Today’s page takes us back to Ralph’s Diner, where Captain Heroic proves—once again—that nothing rattles him… not even a surprise soup bath.
Hailey is mortified, Captain Heroic is dripping, and somewhere across the diner, Yazmine Velour is livestreaming the whole thing as heart emojis rain from the internet. It’s a small moment, but one that says a lot about who Cap really is—and why people can’t help falling for him.
Transcript
Panel 1
Hailey (distraught that she has dumped hot soup on Captain Heroic): Omigod Omigod Omigod…
Captain Heroic (turning to another person eating at the diner): Excuse me. Would you hand me a napkin, please? (The person hands him a napkin)
Panel 2
Hailey: I’m so sorry Captain Heroic, sir. I didn’t mean to — {sob}
Panel 3
Captain Heroic (handing her the napkin): Here. Please don’t cry.
Panel 4
Captain Heroic (continues): Most of my first impressions involve disintegration rays. And actual impressions. In concrete.
Panel 5
Captain Heroic: This was far more pleasant — not counting the bay leaf in my shirt.Yazmine Velour (as she livestreams the interaction from the other side of the diner, a torrent of heart emojis flow from her phone as the audience reacts): Omigod Omigod Omigod
After Dark
This week's commissioned MicroFic delivers exactly what you’d want from a pairing between Dynasty and Father Christmas.
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Yes, he lives up to his name.
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Yes, Dynasty knew exactly what she was doing.
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No, the North Pole will never be the same.
I also posted the Goblin Girl MicroFic from the Monster Girl poll — and the response was so good, I might need to make these poll-powered MicroFics a recurring thing!
On the Katie Couric indignation
Just a thought about the righteous indignation you’re reading in your daily newspaper today (or more likely, on that newspaper’s Web site) from a guy who has spent more time inside a newsroom than is considered healthy.
But first, a little newspaper primer. In a newspaper, there’s a special category of writer in which one is allowed to write using one’s opinion. The traditional rules of objectivity don’t apply to this writer, called a columnist. The manner in which a newspaper alerts you, the dutiful reader, that the piece you are about to read contains subjective content is to present the writer’s photograph next to his or her piece (which is another rant entirely…remind me sometime…). It’s called a “column sig” in newspaperspeak.
Today, almost every newspaper in America will include a columnist expressing wide-eyed astonishment over the fact that a photo of Katie Couric for a magazine cover was doctored to make Couric look thinner and more attractive. And along with these columns will be column sigs made from photos. And in almost every last damned case, the columnist refused to approve the photograph for print until it had undergone a significant amount of retouching.
Now if that doesn’t make you smile today, nothing will.
