Chapter 17 | Page 3b: Hot Stuff

Posted on December 19, 2025 by Brad Guigar

Today’s page takes us back to Ralph’s Diner, where Captain Heroic proves—once again—that nothing rattles him… not even a surprise soup bath.

Hailey is mortified, Captain Heroic is dripping, and somewhere across the diner, Yazmine Velour is livestreaming the whole thing as heart emojis rain from the internet. It’s a small moment, but one that says a lot about who Cap really is—and why people can’t help falling for him.

Transcript

Panel 1
Hailey (distraught that she has dumped hot soup on Captain Heroic): Omigod Omigod Omigod…

Captain Heroic (turning to another person eating at the diner): Excuse me. Would you hand me a napkin, please? (The person hands him a napkin)

Panel 2

Hailey: I’m so sorry Captain Heroic, sir. I didn’t mean to — {sob}

Panel 3

Captain Heroic (handing her the napkin): Here. Please don’t cry.

Panel 4

Captain Heroic (continues): Most of my first impressions involve disintegration rays. And actual impressions. In concrete.

Panel 5

Captain Heroic: This was far more pleasant — not counting the bay leaf in my shirt.Yazmine Velour (as she livestreams the interaction from the other side of the diner, a torrent of heart emojis flow from her phone as the audience reacts): Omigod Omigod Omigod

After Dark

This week's commissioned MicroFic delivers exactly what you’d want from a pairing between Dynasty and Father Christmas.

  • Yes, he lives up to his name.

  • Yes, Dynasty knew exactly what she was doing.

  • No, the North Pole will never be the same.

I also posted the Goblin Girl MicroFic from the Monster Girl poll — and the response was so good, I might need to make these poll-powered MicroFics a recurring thing!

Courting Disaster, Aug 18, 2006

Posted on August 18, 2006 by Brad Guigar

Courting Disaster

There’s no new cartoon this week, but there’s a really great question from a reader.

Hi, I have a pretty big problem and I was wondering if any of you could help me out a bit. See, I’m a guy, pretty handsome, 19 years old (turning 20 in october) but never had a girlfriend. Actually, it’s worse than that, I’ve never even kissed anyone yet, and sometimes it feels like it’s gonna stay that way forever.

I’ve tried asking out women from my daily routine (college), but that always somehow ends up in friendship and nothing else. To be honest, “always” is probably not the right word, because I’ve only really got over enough of my shyness to actually ask women out in the last year, but in the three cases so far, that’s what happened, friendship.

Going to a bar/party/concert and trying to pick up a random woman doesn’t seem like it would work, first because of my shyness and also because I wouldn’t even know what to do or what to say. The whole thing just seems forced and unnatural… Plus, it seems to me that these kinds of places are just for people looking for a one-time thing. While I wouldn’t mind making out with a hot stranger and never seeing her again, what I actually wanted was to have a relationship, you know?

So, what should I do? Are there any good places for a somewhat shy guy to meet single women? Is there any way to do so outside the whole bar/party context, maybe in an environment where there’s less pressure?

Also, you must have noticed by my post that I’m pretty desperate at the moment, but letting people know you’re desperate doesn’t make you much attractive, so I often cover it up, but then people get the impression I’m aloof, distant, even snobbish. What can I do to stay away from both extremes?

I’d appreciate if you could help me out with these questions, it’s really bothering me. I know it’s a lot of stuff and most of it is common sense for most people, but it unfortunately isn’t common sense to me. Like the username says, I have No Idea what to do right now.

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