Chapter 17 | Page 3b: Hot Stuff

Posted on December 19, 2025 by Brad Guigar

Today’s page takes us back to Ralph’s Diner, where Captain Heroic proves—once again—that nothing rattles him… not even a surprise soup bath.

Hailey is mortified, Captain Heroic is dripping, and somewhere across the diner, Yazmine Velour is livestreaming the whole thing as heart emojis rain from the internet. It’s a small moment, but one that says a lot about who Cap really is—and why people can’t help falling for him.

Transcript

Panel 1
Hailey (distraught that she has dumped hot soup on Captain Heroic): Omigod Omigod Omigod…

Captain Heroic (turning to another person eating at the diner): Excuse me. Would you hand me a napkin, please? (The person hands him a napkin)

Panel 2

Hailey: I’m so sorry Captain Heroic, sir. I didn’t mean to — {sob}

Panel 3

Captain Heroic (handing her the napkin): Here. Please don’t cry.

Panel 4

Captain Heroic (continues): Most of my first impressions involve disintegration rays. And actual impressions. In concrete.

Panel 5

Captain Heroic: This was far more pleasant — not counting the bay leaf in my shirt.Yazmine Velour (as she livestreams the interaction from the other side of the diner, a torrent of heart emojis flow from her phone as the audience reacts): Omigod Omigod Omigod

After Dark

This week's commissioned MicroFic delivers exactly what you’d want from a pairing between Dynasty and Father Christmas.

  • Yes, he lives up to his name.

  • Yes, Dynasty knew exactly what she was doing.

  • No, the North Pole will never be the same.

I also posted the Goblin Girl MicroFic from the Monster Girl poll — and the response was so good, I might need to make these poll-powered MicroFics a recurring thing!

Phables — The Curse of Rafinesque

Posted on October 11, 2023 by Brad Guigar

Here’s a special Phables* comic I did back in 2006, that I love to share every Halloween.

It’s the (mostly) true story about a botanist who taught at Transylvania University in Kentucky (the place really exists). When he was caught with the college president’s wife, he was ousted from campus. Upon leaving, he placed a curse on the institution, and, supposedly, every seven years, something tragic happens at Transylvania University. The last “Curse Year”, by the way, was 2018, so we’re due in just two more years.

Transcript

[Panel 1]
Text: “Everybody has a scary story about Philadelphia…”
Image: Illustration of a city with a label pointing to “Transylvania University.”

[Panel 2]
Text: “The best ones are true.”
Narration: “Constantine Rafinesque was a self-taught genius with a passion for botany.”
Character (Rafinesque): “Mostly.”

[Panel 3]
Narration: “He left Philadelphia to teach botany at Transylvania University in Kentucky, but ended up cutting classes more often than his students.”
Student: “Anyone got a smoke?”
Rafinesque: “sigh You don’t have to raise your hands.”

[Panel 4]
Narration: “School president Horace Holly fired Rafinesque after the botanist’s alleged affair… with Mrs. Holly.”
Mrs. Holly (offscreen): “Oh Raf! You pistol. Such stamina!”
Rafinesque: (examining plant under microscope) “OK… Stay calm… Dioscorea pubescens… Podocarpus rubicollis… Cacalia’s protective…”

[Panel 5]
Narration: “Upon leaving, Raf uttered a curse: ‘Damn thee and thy school! A plague and curses upon you!’**
(**And probably a couple more we can’t print.)”
Image: Rafinesque shaking fist.

[Panel 6]
Narration: “He returned to Philly where he supported himself by publishing books and scientific articles on nature. He even gave public lectures on the subject.”

[Panel 7]
Narration: “He died in 1840 and was buried in Ronaldson’s Cemetery in Philly.
(At least, they thought he was buried in Ronaldson’s…)”

[Panel 8]
Narration: “Legend has it, a group of rowdy Transylvania University alumni disinterred Rafinesque’s body and returned it to the campus.”
Image: Shadowy figures carrying a coffin at night.

[Panel 9]
Narration: “Actually, it was a rowdy librarian who, upon learning of Raf’s demise, wrote his Philadelphia benefactors and suggested he be transplanted at the campus in a place of honor.”
Librarian: “That is so rowdy for a librarian.”
Another character: “Shhh!!”

[Panel 10]
Narration: “And so Raf’s body was placed under the steps of the Old Morrison, the school’s administrative building.”
Image: Drawing of the Old Morrison building.

[Panel 11]
Narration: “Evidence suggests the body honored in the tomb below the Old Morrison is that of a female.”
Another character: “My old upstairs neighbor… used to keep me awake at night playing those ‘Velvet Underground’ records…”

[Panel 12]
Narration: “So… Rafinesque’s body remained in the cemetery where it once stood is now a playground in South Philly.”
Image: Child bouncing a ball next to a tombstone.

[Panel 13]
Narration: “No one can say where his spirit is. His curse, however, seems to be at Transylvania University, y’see… Soon after he lost his job, the Old Morrison burned to the ground.”

[Panel 14]
Narration: “Or so they thought…”
Image: Rafinesque turning dramatically.

[Panel 15]
Narration: “Y’see, in Raf’s time, graves were reused. The first occupant buried would be dug up. The next was put on top of him. And so on…”
Text on tombstone: “Popular site. People are dying to get in.”

[Panel 16]
Narration: “Apparently the workers assigned to retrieve Raf’s body didn’t dig deep enough.”
Worker: “Don’t see anybody. Guess we dug deep enough.”

[Panel 17]
Narration: “Seven years after that, the man who fired him – Horace Holly – died of yellow fever. And every seven years after that, tragedy has struck the college.”
Character: “Just call it a seven-year sneeze.”

[Panel 18]
Narration: “Such as 1969, when the Old Morrison was razed by fire again!! The entire building was ruined – all except for one room… Rafinesque’s crypt.”
Image: Rafinesque in front of a door labeled “Transylvester Sprinkler System.”

[Final Panel – Footer]
Text: “HAPPY HALLOWEEN!”