I'm thrilled to announce that Evil Inc has earned its second ’Ringo Award nomination in four years! I'll be facing the likes of Harley Quinn and Nightwing's butt in the Best Humor Webcomic category, so if you're a comics pro, please consider voting for your favorite ne'er-do-well.

Dr. Muskiday needs to get into the zone — and HoloClone Miss Match knows exactly what that means.

Within moments, she has assembled everything required for the carbonated nuru protocol: Coca-Cola, Mentos, towels, protective goggles and, presumably, a very comprehensive cleanup plan. She has even upgraded from Diet Coke after determining that it failed to provide sufficient thrust.

But before the confection-assisted massage can begin, Muskiday stops her with a question he should probably have asked a long time ago: Does she actually want to do this?

Her answer is enthusiastic, immediate—and not remotely reassuring. HoloClone Miss Match was programmed to enjoy fulfilling his desires. Now Muskiday is beginning to understand that her devotion may not be the same thing as love.

Suddenly, the Mentos really are the least unsettling part of the procedure.

Q&A — Reading Terminal Market

Q.: I'm watching some tourist Youtube videos of the Philly World Cup:

Is Reading Terminal Market pronounced 'Redding' like the color, or like 'to read a book,' Brad?

Also, what do those pretzel wrap with cheese hot dogs taste like?

It's pronounced "redding" — and it was originally a terminal for the Reading Railroad. (Now you can pronounce it correctly the next time you're playing Monopoly.)

Reading Terminal Market was born of typical Philadelphia obstinance.

"Today’s Reading Terminal Market had its roots in the Butchers’ and Farmers’ and Franklin Markets, both located on the 1100 block of Market Street. In 1890 the Philadelphia and Reading Railroad Company purchased this block for its new terminal. The merchants’ refusal to relocate for the new building resulted in an agreement to erect a new market tucked beneath the train shed and tracks." — https://readingterminalmarket.org/about-the-market/history/

Brad’s Must-Visit Shops at Reading Terminal Market

Bassett's Ice Cream was one of the original vendors, and is still there. Never sold out to a private equity manager. Still family run. They make a tremendous English Toffee Crunch. Order a pint to take home and then watch some kid behind the counter defy the laws of physics by fitting what HAS to be a quart into that little container. I defy you to try that at Coldstone Creamery.

The pretzel-wrapped cheese hot dogs are good, but arrive a few hours earlier and start your day with a sausage-egg-and-cheese stuffed pretzel from Miller's Twist. That stuff will stick to your ribs — to say nothing of your arteries. I’m here for a good time, not a long time.

If that’s not your thing, go to Market Bakery for a breakfast sandwich. I strongly recommend a sausage-egg-and-cheese on a brioche bun. If you have a travel mug for coffee, let them know and they’ll take a buck off your order since you’re not using a cup. Pick up one of the punch-card thingies at the register. You’ll be back.

While you’re there, stop by Termini Bros for a cannoli — classic with powdered sugar. When I was in grade school, my Uncle Tony and Aunt Trudy used to take me for a few weeks during the summer. Uncle Tony would go out for cannoli and the Sunday paper. We’d sit on their patio, and they’d ask me which comics I liked and why. And they listened. They were the first people to take me seriously when I said I wanted to be a cartoonist. I will always love them for that. I searched far and wide to find cannoli that good, but even the ones I found in Rome fell short. Termini Bros, however, is able to bring back those summer mornings in a single bite. I will always love them for that.

Mueller Chocolates has some of the best sea-salt caramels I’ve ever tasted. They have a ton of other stuff, but you owe it to yourself to try those in particular. Also, if you’d like an off-beat gift for a chocolate lover in your life, they have chocolate hearts — anatomically correct.

DiNic’s for roast pork sandwiches. When people ask me where the best cheesesteak is, I always tell them it’s Pat’s King of Steaks… then I suggest they try this instead.

Shanghai Gourmet for Chinese food. Family run. If you come early you can see them prepping with fresh ingredients every morning. Great prices, and you’re supporting a Philadelphia family not sending profits to some douchebag CEO. Try the beef and broccoli.

Downtown Cheese — You want a healthy snack? Stop by Downtown Cheese and get a half-pound of mild manchego, swing around to Iovine Produce and pick up some evercrisp apples, and then head over to Bee Natural for some honey. A slice of apple with manchego, drizzled with a little honey, will cure what ails you.

Are you cooking?

Kensington Food — Stop by for a jar of tomato gravy. Have a look at the cooking oils while you’re there.

Head Nut — Bulk nuts, sure — but also baking supplies, spices, dried fruits, and excellent prices on coffee beans.

Godshall’s Poultry — Chicken, turkey, etc. Get a rope of the hot Italian sausage. You’ll thank me for it.

Martin’s Quality Meats — If you’re gonna be grilling, you’ll want to stop at Martins. Pick up some lean ground beef for the burgers, and then get some brats while you’re there. Swing back by Market Bakery for the brioche buns. 

Transcript

Panel 1:
Dr. Muskiday sits at his workstation, staring at streams of macronano data. HoloClone Miss Match stands nearby.

Dr. Muskiday: I need to get into the zone.

HoloClone Miss Match: Say no more.

Panel 2:
She wheels in an elaborate cart loaded with Coca-Cola bottles, Mentos, towels, goggles, and a mop.

HoloClone Miss Match: Shall I initiate the carbonated nuru protocol?

Dr. Muskiday: You remembered the goggles.

Panel 3:
She begins preparing herself or the massage table, cheerfully businesslike.

HoloClone Miss Match: Regular Coke this time. Diet didn’t provide enough thrust.

Dr. Muskiday: Actually… stop.

Panel 4:
She freezes, confused.

HoloClone Miss Match: Is something wrong? I can increase the Mentos.

Dr. Muskiday: It’s not the Mentos.

Panel 5:
Muskiday looks at her uneasily.

Dr. Muskiday: Do you actually want to do this?

Panel 6:
HoloClone Miss Match smiles brightly.

HoloClone Miss Match: Of course! This is one of your top-ten confection-assisted massage protocols!

Panel 6:

Dr. Muskiday: And suddenly, the Mentos are the least unsettling part of this.