Chapter 17 | Page 2b: The Ol’ Battle Ax

Posted on December 11, 2025 by Brad Guigar

The #GuigarChristmasCountdown Rolls On

Every day until Christmas, I’m releasing a brand-new holiday single-panel gag — and this year’s batch has already included:

  • Overworked elves

  • Malfunctioning snowmen

  • Questionable reindeer behavior

  • And Santas who are absolutely phoning it in

Next week’s cartoons keep the absurdity rolling. If you’re counting down to Christmas with me… buckle up. We’re not even halfway to the weirdest ones. Catch them on Bluesky, Patreon chat, or the Evil Inc Subreddit.

TRANSCRIPT

Panel 1 (Later)
Hailey: “Come on, Rose! This is a big opportunity for me! Just tell me what Cap’s ‘usual’ is!”

Panel 2
Rose (from inside the storage closet): “Fine. He loves chicken soup — extra crackers — and a tall lemonade.”

Panel 3
Rose: “Say… do you think you could open the door now? There’s not much air in here.”

Panel 4
Hailey: “If you look in the corner, you’ll see an old battle ax.”

Panel 5
Hailey: “There’s no battle ax in— Oh.”

Panel 6
SFX: KRAKK

Panel 7
Rose (calmly): “Thank you!”

Bring Back Melanie!

Posted on July 25, 2006 by Brad Guigar
Bring Back Melanie!Melanie Martinez, a favorite in the Guigar household, has been fired by PBS for some videos she appreaded in seven years ago. Melanie is the nighttime host for PBS KIDS Sprout, a cable channel that plays kids shows. My son is enamored with her and, well, I think she’s cute as a darned button. Her delivery is engaging — she’s impossible not to watch. I look forward to her segments when my son is watching his before-bedtime-kids-show.

Martinez was fired when PBS learned of a couple 30-second videos — this one and this one — that she did for TechnicalVirgin.com, a safe-sex-spoof-site, several years earlier.

According for her Wikipedia entry, the poor girl has even been removed from her alma mater’s list of distinguished alumni.

This is very sad news indeed. I understand that PBS has every right to protect their property, but I have such a hard time believing that these seven-year-old, 30-second spoofs seriously damage her ability to host a kids show. I think it was a bad move — and I’m not alone.

If you, too are the parent of a Sprout fan (and if you feel the same), tell them how disgusted you are. E-mail [email protected] and tell them BRING BACK MELANIE!