Fairmount City has faced plenty of supervillains before. But this may be its first livestreaming supervillain.
After losing her brief burst of social-media stardom, Hailey re-emerges with a new look, a new name, and a dangerous new relationship with engagement metrics. Now she is Countess Influencia — the Validation Vampire — and every heart, like, and notification seems to make her stronger.
Fairmount News Network tries to cover the attack, but even the news crew can’t stop checking her feed. As hearts start streaming from phones across the city — and around the world — it becomes clear that this crime spree is no longer just a local story.
The world has met Countess Influencia.
And she would very much like you to smash that “Like” button.
Transcript
Panel 1
At the Fairmount News Network studio. Someone off panel whispers, “Psst! Ms. Takahaski! You’re on the air!” Hana Takahaski looks up from her smartphone and says, “Oh! Umm… We’ve got breaking news!”
Panel 2
Hana says, “We’re getting live reports of an attack on the downtown area.” A stream of hearts begins floating from her phone.
Panel 3
The scene widens. Hana is still on her phone. The cameraman is also on his phone. Streams of hearts flow from both phones and from other unseen people in the studio. Hana says, “She may be the first supervillain to livestream her own crime spree! Moreover…” Then, distracted by her phone, she says, “Hold on…” Her phone displays the text: “YAS, Queen!”
Panel 4 (inset)
Exterior view of the Fairmount News Network building. Several streams of hearts flow outward from inside the building and from the street below. Hana says, “Moreover, while Fairmount City is her current target, she has already taken the whole WORLD by storm!”
Panel 5
Hailey, now transformed into Countess Influencia, floats above the city as streams of hearts flow directly into her body. She says, “Look upon Countess Influencia and despair!” Then, in smaller type: “And don’t forget to smash that ‘Like’ button and subscribe!”
Alt text
A five-panel Evil Inc comic introduces Hailey’s new supervillain persona, Countess Influencia. At Fairmount News Network, anchor Hana Takahaski is caught looking at her phone just as she goes on the air with breaking news about an attack downtown. As she reports, red heart icons begin floating from her phone. The scene widens to show the cameraman and others in the studio also absorbed by their phones, with streams of hearts flowing upward. Hana reports that the villain may be the first supervillain to livestream her own crime spree, then gets distracted by a message reading, “YAS, Queen!” Outside the Fairmount News Network building, heart streams pour from the building and the street below. In the final panel, Hailey floats above the city in her new vampire-inspired outfit as Countess Influencia. Streams of hearts flow into her body as she declares, “Look upon Countess Influencia and despair!” She adds, “And don’t forget to smash that ‘Like’ button and subscribe!”
Bring Back Melanie!Melanie Martinez, a favorite in the Guigar household, has been fired by PBS for some videos she appreaded in seven years ago. Melanie is the nighttime host for PBS KIDS Sprout, a cable channel that plays kids shows. My son is enamored with her and, well, I think she’s cute as a darned button. Her delivery is engaging — she’s impossible not to watch. I look forward to her segments when my son is watching his before-bedtime-kids-show.
Martinez was fired when PBS learned of a couple 30-second videos —
this one and
this one — that she did for TechnicalVirgin.com, a safe-sex-spoof-site, several years earlier.
According for her
Wikipedia entry, the poor girl has even been removed from her alma mater’s list of distinguished alumni.
This is very sad news indeed. I understand that PBS has every right to protect their property, but I have such a hard time believing that these seven-year-old, 30-second spoofs seriously damage her ability to host a kids show. I think it was a bad move — and I’m not
alone. If you, too are the parent of a Sprout fan (and if you feel the same), tell them how disgusted you are. E-mail
[email protected] and tell them BRING BACK MELANIE!