Hailey thought she was serving a fan. Turns out she was just serving condiments.
Poor Hailey. One viral moment and suddenly every interaction feels like the beginning of a redemption arc. Unfortunately, the universe has other plans — and those plans involve a side of extra ranch dressing.
Meanwhile, somebody mysterious is sliding into her DMs with promises of social-media glory. That’s probably fine. Nothing ominous ever starts with a stranger saying, “I can make that happen.”
Transcript
Text conversation on the left
Unknown: “Do you want your followers back?”
Hailey: “No.”
Unknown: “I can make that happen.”
Hailey: “I want twice as many.”
Unknown: “I won't wait forever.”
Hailey: “Sure. [eyeroll emoji]”
Unknown: “Opportunity requires initiative. I'll send my address.”
Panel 1:
Customer at a booth in Ralph’s Diner: “Hey! Aren’t you that girl who dumped soup on Captain Heroic?”
Hailey: “Ha-ha. Guilty!”
Panel 2:
Customer: “Could I ask you something?”
Hailey: “Say no more! I’m out of glossy photos, but I’ll be happy to sign your menu!”
Panel 3:
Customer: “That wasn’t my question.”
Hailey: “Oh. Go ahead! Anything for a fan!”
Panel 4:
Customer: “Can I get extra ranch dressing?”
Alt text
Four-panel “Evil Inc” comic with a sidebar showing a text conversation. On the left, waitress Hailey exchanges messages with an unknown sender. The messages read: “Do you want your followers back?” Hailey replies, “No. I want twice as many.” The sender says, “I can make that happen.” Hailey replies, “Sure. [eyeroll emoji]” The sender says, “I won't wait forever.” The sender finishes with, “Opportunity requires initiative. I'll send my address.”
In the comic panels, Hailey is working at Ralph’s Diner, wearing a short white waitress uniform and apron. She has long red hair and carries a pen and order pad. A middle-aged gray-haired customer in glasses sits at a booth eating a burger and fries.
In the first panel, the customer excitedly recognizes her and asks if she is “that girl who dumped soup on Captain Heroic.” Hailey smiles awkwardly and admits, “Ha-ha. Guilty!”
In the second panel, the customer asks, “Could I ask you something?” Hailey immediately assumes he wants an autograph and enthusiastically says she is out of glossy photos but would happily sign his menu.
In the third panel, the customer clarifies, “That wasn’t my question.” Hailey looks embarrassed and says, “Oh,” then gestures dramatically and says, “Go ahead! Anything for a fan!”
In the final panel, the customer simply asks, “Can I get extra ranch dressing?” Hailey looks deflated and disappointed while the customer remains casual and oblivious.
And on to my gripe for the day. It seems like a pretty standard announcement:
[ASSOCIATED PRESS:] The musical adaptation of Dr. Seuss’ holiday tale “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” will make its Broadway debut this fall at the Hilton Theatre, running from Nov. 8 until Jan. 7, 2007, according to a news release Monday. Previews of the show begin Oct. 25.
The widow of Dr. Seuss, whose real name was Theodor Geisel, will serve as an associate producer of the New York “Grinch” show. Geisel died in 1991. Read more. But read that last paragraph again: Geisel’s widow will be an associate producer; her husband died in 1991.
Y’see, while the good Doctor was
alive, he insisted that his characters not be used in marketing and merchandizing beyond the books. They lived very well off those books. There was plenty to go around on the books. Opening up the
Cat in the Hat and his other creations to licensing and merchandizing options would only serve to cheapen their meaningfulness. There was a couple expections — a few animated features done in collaboration with Chuck Jones, for example — but for the most part, Dr. Seuss was absolutely against using his characters towards any commercial uses such as cereal boxes, T-shirts, lunchboxes, toys, TV shows, movies, etc.
Six years after he dies, his wife, Audrey, opened the floodgates. We’ve seen a steady stream of Seuss-related crappola ever since: A couple of big-budget movie stinkers, a wide array of apparel, and countless goo-gags.
And now a Broadway flop-in-the-making.
Mrs. Seuss: You should be as ashamed, ashamed, ashamed as can be; to defile poor Teddy’s legacy.
