Chapter 17 | Page 9a: “All-Hands Meeting”

Here's a closer look at the Evil Inc emails...


“It’s good ta be da king…”

While watching Mel Brooks: The 99-Year-Old Man, three things jumped out at me and immediately elbowed their way into my creative psyche.

First: Fear. Or rather, the systematic, professional-grade obliteration of fear. Again and again, the documentary circles back to how much of Mel Brooks’ creative power came from refusing to be intimidated — by authority, by convention, by “good taste,” or by the quiet little voice that says don’t do that, people might judge you. That hit me right in the gut.

If fear is the tax we all pay for wanting to make things, Brooks just… stopped paying it.

Second: as the Zoomers would say, that man was horny on main.

I rewatched History of the World, Part I last night, and wow — no easing into it. From cavemen masturbating in the opening moments to wall-to-wall boob jokes, dick jokes, and lust as a driving historical force, the movie commits early and never lets up. It’s joyful. It’s shameless. It’s aggressively adolescent in the best possible way.

And as the World's Okayest Smut Dad, I found it deeply affirming. There’s something comforting about realizing that one of the most celebrated comedy legends of all time built his empire by saying, “Yes, but what if we made it dirtier?”

Third (and finally): whatever happened to Mary-Margaret Humes?

Va-va-va voom. That is all.

Taken together, it’s a reminder I didn’t know I needed: Fear is optional. Horniness is timeless. And comedy works best when it’s unembarrassed about what it loves.

Which is… honestly a pretty solid Evil Inc mission statement when you think about it. 


Transcript

Panel 1
Caption (yellow box):
The next day…

Dr. Muskiday (entering the nearly empty office, which is empty, speaking):
Where is everybody?!
Didn’t they get my email??

Panel 2
Giant Tess (holding up a red book):
Here’s a guide to proper terminology in the workplace.
You’ll want to read it.

Panel 3
Giant Tess, continues in a narration box:
“Desi and ‘Dragon’ took one look at the subject line and got exactly the wrong idea.”

Inset image below narration:
An email inbox is shown with the subject line highlighted:
All-hands meeting — NOW!!

Other visible email subjects include:

  • “Reminder: It’s Casual Fridays, Not ‘Casualty’”
  • “Who Keeps Feeding the Lava Lamp?”
  • “RE: Are Monologues Considered Testimony?”
  • “Janitor’s Closet…?”
  • “Re: Re: Re: Stop Replying All”

Panel 4
Giant Tess’ narration (yellow box):
“When I caught them, I told them to beat it.”

Giant Tess (pointing angrily):
(No dialogue)

Desdemona and Iron Dragon are caught mid-makeout on the floor.

Panel 5
Giant Tess:
I’ll… um… need that book after you’re finished with it.


DETAILED ALT TEXT

A five-panel comic set inside the Evil Inc corporate office.

Panel 1:
  A yellow narration box reads “THE NEXT DAY…”.  A wide shot of an empty open-plan office filled with gray cubicles, rolling office chairs, desktop computers, and filing cabinets. Dr. Muskiday — a short, fly creature in a lab jacket — walks into a nearly empty office. Giant Tess is standing there, looking annoyed. Dr. Musiday says, “WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!” followed by “DIDN’T THEY GET MY EMAIL??”

Panel 2:
A closer shot of Giant Tess holding up a red paperback book titled “Evil Inc. Style & Speech Guide.” Dr. Muskiday’s large compound eyes peer up from the bottom of the panel. Tess calmly explains, “HERE’S A GUIDE TO PROPER TERMINOLOGY IN THE WORKPLACE. YOU’LL WANT TO READ IT.”

Panel 3:
Giant Tess’ dialogue is continued in a yellow narration box: “DESI AND ‘DRAGON’ TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE SUBJECT LINE AND GOT EXACTLY THE WRONG IDEA.”

 Below is a close-up of an email inbox. The highlighted message reads: “ALL-HANDS MEETING — NOW!!” Other humorous subject lines fill the inbox, including reminders about Casual Fridays, questions about lava lamps, legal monologues, janitor’s closets, and an email chain titled “Re: Re: Re: Stop Replying All.”

Panel 4:
Another yellow narration box continues Giant Tess’ dialogue: “WHEN I CAUGHT THEM, I TOLD THEM TO BEAT IT.”

 The scene shows Giant Tess pointing angrily at two coworkers on the office floor between cubicles. Desdemona, a red-skinned devil woman with small horns and a curvy build, is sitting in Iron Dragon’s lap. Iron Dragon, a muscular man in dark clothing with dragon-themed elements, has his arms around her. They are clearly caught mid-makeout and look startled and embarrassed.

Panel 5:
Giant Tess stands with Dr. Muskiday beside her, who is now holding the red Evil Inc. Style & Speech Guide. Tess looks awkward and thoughtful, one finger raised to her chin, as she says, “I’LL… UM… NEED THAT BOOK AFTER YOU’RE FINISHED WITH IT.”

Emerald City Comicon!

emerald_city_logoI can’t remember being this excited about prepping for a comic convention in a long time! Emerald City Comicon (in Seattle) kicks off at the end of the month (March 28-30) and there’s going to be a lot of stuff going on. Here’s a handy PDF to print out and bring with you. It will lead you to all the cool stuff. First and foremost, I get to spend the weekend with a guy I consider to be my brother, Scott Kurtz. Any chance I get to hang out with him is a reason to be happy, and I’m going to be sharing a table with him and Tavis Maiden. Tavis’ recently launched Tenko King is destined to become your Next Favorite Thing. We’re going to be at Booth 1320. Emerald City Comicon has gotten huge, so here’s what you wanna do: Once you walk into the main entrance, continue straight on. Take a moment to tip your cap to Dave Kellett at Booth 112 along the way and express your excitement over his upcoming webcomics documentary, Stripped. Then keep walking towards the Sky Bridge over Pike Street. Keep walking straight in until you hit Artist’s Alley and then hang a hard left turn. We’ll be there, waiting patiently for you, at Booth 1320. We’ll be right between What Pumpkin and the awesome folks from Periscope Studios (and directly behind the National Cartoonist Society). TFTC_year1_cover_directAnother reason I’m so excited is that I’ll have two brand new things for you to peruse. The first is the brand-new Tales from the Con comic book, collecting the series of weekly comics written by me and illustrated by the formidable Chris Giarrusso. This is a series that looks at comic conventions, comic culture and comics fans. And let’s face it, anything drawn by Chris is gonna be terrific. You can pick up your copy at the Emerald City Comicon Merchandise Booth (over by the South Lobby). Then bring it over so I can commend you on your good taste and sign it for you. Then take it to Chris in Artist’s Alley (Table HH-09) and get his sexy scrawl. Finally, if you can manage to flag down Emerald City’s head honcho Jim Demonakos, you’ll score the trifecta. This whole thing was his brainchild. Webcomics_Handbook_GumroadThe other reason I’m excited is that I get to show off The Webcomics Handbook for the first time anywhere! I’m super-proud of this book, and I can’t wait to get it into as many hands as possible. Plus, I will have a small supply of the limited-edition hardcover versions of the book. Those won’t be available for sale anywhere other than personal appearances. You either have to be a Kickstarter supporter or you have to catch me in person to snag one of these. Finally, I’m doing to panel discussions that should be lots of fun. They are:

Challenge of the Super Friends Room: HALL B (608-609) Time: 12:10PM – 1:00PM

Gregg Schigiel hosts as his comics pro friends Jay Faerber, Chris Giarusso, Maris Wicks, Joe Quinones and me play a series of superhero-centric games — “Alphabet Superheroes”, “Name that Story Arc”, & “Super Suit Celebrity” – and 1 lucky audience member wins prizes! Expect laughs, fun & superhero talk! ALL-AGES

and…

History of Webcomics Room: HALL C (610) Time: 4:20PM – 5:10PM

The art form of webcomics is now twenty years old, and has gone through many changes. Some creators have been around long enough to see them all. In this panel, we’ll discuss the different platforms and revenue streams we’ve explored during these decades. What’s worked and what hasn’t? Find out in this informative panel including Shaenon Garrity, Phil Foglio, Bill Holbrook and me.

Whew. That’s a lot to look forward to. Plus I’ll have Evil Inc graphic novels, some great original art, I’ll open up a commissions list… we’re going to do it all. Just me and you. Together.

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