At Evil Inc, even labor negotiations can spiral out of control — especially when “hard bargaining” takes on a whole new meaning. Cassie Cruz just realized that the conference room she prepped for Dr. Muskiday’s… unconventional solution… is already booked for a high-stakes union negotiation. Unfortunately, it looks like Doctor Threat and the henchpersons may have already reached an agreement.
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Transcript
Panel 1
Cassie Cruz (angry):
“We are NOT having an orgy at our desks!”
Dr. Muskiday (calmly defensive):
“Of course not! I stocked the conference room with mattresses and lube.”
Panel 2
Cassie Cruz (panicking):
“The conference room?! Doctor Threat is scheduled to negotiate a new contract with the henchpersons’ union in there!”
Panel 3
Cassie Cruz (looking toward a slightly open door):
“Where’s Doctor Threat?”
Dr. Muskiday (matter-of-fact):
“I believe that’s him in the middle of — erm — ‘collective bargaining.’”
(Sound effects from behind the closed conference room door:)
“Hhh hhh”
“Plap Ngh Plap Plap”
“Hngh hhh”
“mmf mmf mmf”
Detailed Alt Text
A three-panel comic set inside an office at Evil Inc.
Panel 1: Cassie Cruz, a professional woman with short brown hair, red glasses, a white blazer, and a low-cut yellow top, stands beside her desk looking furious. A small pink “emotion cloud” with a skull icon floats near her head, indicating anger. She shouts that they are not having an orgy at their desks. Standing nearby is Dr. Muskiday, a short humanoid with a fly’s head—large red compound eyes, small body, and lab coat—who calmly explains that he already prepared the conference room with mattresses and lube.
Panel 2: Close-up on Cassie clutching her head in alarm. Her expression is wide-eyed and panicked. She exclaims that the conference room is supposed to be used for an important union negotiation between Doctor Threat and the henchpersons’ union.
Panel 3: Cassie and Dr. Muskiday stand in a hallway facing a slightly open conference room door. Cassie asks where Doctor Threat is. Muskiday gestures toward the door and awkwardly suggests that Doctor Threat is inside, in the middle of “collective bargaining,” implying something sexual. From inside the room comes exaggerated, comic-style sound effects indicating vigorous activity: heavy breathing (“hhh hhh,” “hngh”), rhythmic “plap” noises, and muffled sounds (“mmf mmf”). The implication is that the union negotiation has devolved into an orgy inside the conference room.
Lady Stilt-Man: Making her debut appearance in the rollicking
Spider-Man #611, Lady Stilt-Man called Web Head an “insect” and roared that a “new age in crime” had dawned.
VQ has seen worse. But not
much worse.
Unfortunately, when she insisted her
nom de guerre was an homage, Spider-Man quipped:
*Snort* You just used “homage” and really meant it. God, I hope someone puts that up on ViewTube. You’ll be the next “Photobombing Squirrel.”
Fantastic Four #5 it wasn’t.
And, unfortunately, our antagonist’s premiere caper hit the skids from there, as she stepped onto a mock shoe attached to the top of a shoe-repair-company truck.
…Which was
still a better step than the next — directly into a manhole (its cover removed courtesy of guest-starring Deadpool). The Amiable Arachnid tried to cheer her up, but it was no use. He acknowledged as much: “
The first one hurts the most.“
So Lady Stilt-Man debuts at a humble 1 on the VQ scale. But I really hope we haven’t seen the last of her. And when she returns, here’s hoping she leverages those gangly gams into a better VQ rating for herself.
I, for one, will not be surprised in the least to see it, either.
After all, nothing beats a great pair of legs.
Title: Amazing Spider-Man #611
Story: Joe Kelly
Art: Eric Canete
