Today’s page takes us back to Ralph’s Diner, where Captain Heroic proves—once again—that nothing rattles him… not even a surprise soup bath.
Hailey is mortified, Captain Heroic is dripping, and somewhere across the diner, Yazmine Velour is livestreaming the whole thing as heart emojis rain from the internet. It’s a small moment, but one that says a lot about who Cap really is—and why people can’t help falling for him.
Transcript
Panel 1
Hailey (distraught that she has dumped hot soup on Captain Heroic): Omigod Omigod Omigod…
Captain Heroic (turning to another person eating at the diner): Excuse me. Would you hand me a napkin, please? (The person hands him a napkin)
Panel 2
Hailey: I’m so sorry Captain Heroic, sir. I didn’t mean to — {sob}
Panel 3
Captain Heroic (handing her the napkin): Here. Please don’t cry.
Panel 4
Captain Heroic (continues): Most of my first impressions involve disintegration rays. And actual impressions. In concrete.
Panel 5
Captain Heroic: This was far more pleasant — not counting the bay leaf in my shirt.Yazmine Velour (as she livestreams the interaction from the other side of the diner, a torrent of heart emojis flow from her phone as the audience reacts): Omigod Omigod Omigod
After Dark
This week's commissioned MicroFic delivers exactly what you’d want from a pairing between Dynasty and Father Christmas.
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Yes, he lives up to his name.
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Yes, Dynasty knew exactly what she was doing.
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No, the North Pole will never be the same.
I also posted the Goblin Girl MicroFic from the Monster Girl poll — and the response was so good, I might need to make these poll-powered MicroFics a recurring thing!
Lady Stilt-Man: Making her debut appearance in the rollicking
Spider-Man #611, Lady Stilt-Man called Web Head an “insect” and roared that a “new age in crime” had dawned.
VQ has seen worse. But not
much worse.
Unfortunately, when she insisted her
nom de guerre was an homage, Spider-Man quipped:
*Snort* You just used “homage” and really meant it. God, I hope someone puts that up on ViewTube. You’ll be the next “Photobombing Squirrel.”
Fantastic Four #5 it wasn’t.
And, unfortunately, our antagonist’s premiere caper hit the skids from there, as she stepped onto a mock shoe attached to the top of a shoe-repair-company truck.
…Which was
still a better step than the next — directly into a manhole (its cover removed courtesy of guest-starring Deadpool). The Amiable Arachnid tried to cheer her up, but it was no use. He acknowledged as much: “
The first one hurts the most.“
So Lady Stilt-Man debuts at a humble 1 on the VQ scale. But I really hope we haven’t seen the last of her. And when she returns, here’s hoping she leverages those gangly gams into a better VQ rating for herself.
I, for one, will not be surprised in the least to see it, either.
After all, nothing beats a great pair of legs.
Title: Amazing Spider-Man #611
Story: Joe Kelly
Art: Eric Canete
