Today’s page takes us back to Ralph’s Diner, where Captain Heroic proves—once again—that nothing rattles him… not even a surprise soup bath.
Hailey is mortified, Captain Heroic is dripping, and somewhere across the diner, Yazmine Velour is livestreaming the whole thing as heart emojis rain from the internet. It’s a small moment, but one that says a lot about who Cap really is—and why people can’t help falling for him.
Transcript
Panel 1
Hailey (distraught that she has dumped hot soup on Captain Heroic): Omigod Omigod Omigod…
Captain Heroic (turning to another person eating at the diner): Excuse me. Would you hand me a napkin, please? (The person hands him a napkin)
Panel 2
Hailey: I’m so sorry Captain Heroic, sir. I didn’t mean to — {sob}
Panel 3
Captain Heroic (handing her the napkin): Here. Please don’t cry.
Panel 4
Captain Heroic (continues): Most of my first impressions involve disintegration rays. And actual impressions. In concrete.
Panel 5
Captain Heroic: This was far more pleasant — not counting the bay leaf in my shirt.Yazmine Velour (as she livestreams the interaction from the other side of the diner, a torrent of heart emojis flow from her phone as the audience reacts): Omigod Omigod Omigod
After Dark
This week's commissioned MicroFic delivers exactly what you’d want from a pairing between Dynasty and Father Christmas.
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Yes, he lives up to his name.
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Yes, Dynasty knew exactly what she was doing.
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No, the North Pole will never be the same.
I also posted the Goblin Girl MicroFic from the Monster Girl poll — and the response was so good, I might need to make these poll-powered MicroFics a recurring thing!
Please join us in congratulating
Green Goblin Norman Osborn as Evil Inc’s Employee of the Week. Norman has been a loyal villain for decades now. He was one of the very first masked villains on the scene. But in the past few years, he has catapulted his career to stratospheric heights of evil … and he’s done so by
removing his mask.
Sure, he’s not afraid to don the Goblin suit and go toe-to-toe with some charged-up opponents, but Norman has been at his absolute zenith in his
Brooks Brothers suit, becoming perhaps one of the pre-eminent forces for bad in the Marvel Universe.
Take his cucumber-cool response to seeing his Thunderbolts team obliterated in Michael-Phelps-time when their stronghold is attacked by the Captain Marvel Skrull. It happens in
Secret Invasion #5. Megatons of meta-ability lay prostrate at his loafers, and Norman bests the Skrull with exactly 169 words. (Click on the panel above for start-to-finish action.)
Among the finest of the Osborn verbiage, as he confronts a Captain Marvel who still grapples with his Skrull-ness:
I know something about not being sure if you’re really pink… or green.
If you happen to catch him sliding his glider into the Employee-of-the-Week parking spot in the Evil Inc garage, be sure to shake his hand and have a few words with the man who may just be the very
top villain in the entire Marvel Universe.
Just don’t go very far beyond 150 or so,
Any more than that and we can’t be held responsible.
