Today’s Evil Inc is a true motivational speaker nightmare! Meanwhile, Dr. Muskiday discovers that his evolving emotion-cloud technology is spiraling out of control!
’Ringo Awards — Last Chance
The nomination round for the Ringo Awards closes on Thursday! If you’ve been enjoying Evil Inc, Evil Inc After Dark, or any of my recent work, I’d be honored if you considered tossing a nomination my way. https://go.evil-inc.net/ringo
One of the easiest things to overlook on Patreon is the archive of posts tagged Bonus Rewards — and there’s a lot of good stuff buried in there.
These posts include wallpapers, eComics, downloadable extras, and assorted goodies collected over the years. Better yet, they never expire, so you can dip into the archive anytime and discover a few hidden gems waiting for you.
If you haven’t explored those tags lately, it’s worth a deep dive — https://go.evil-inc.net/patreon
ICYMI
This week's bonus cartoon featured the Fantastic Four.
Well... most of 'em...
Transcript
Panel 1:
Dr. Muskiday, bursting into Cassie Cruz’s office:Cassie! You need to send everybody home — NOW!
Panel 2:
(Inset panel) Cassie Cruz: I can’t do that! The quarterly wellness surveys are due by five o’clock, and if we miss compliance, corporate will send that insufferable motivational speaker again.
Susan, a supervillain motivational speaker, speaks to the assembled villains of Evil Inc: People said I’d never weaponize my childhood trauma. Look at me now.
The whiteboard has a number of phrases written in it:
Failure isn’t falling into a volcano. Failure is falling into the same volcano twice.
A hero is just a villain with better P.R.
Susan Says… Your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength… unless your weakness is silver, garlic, or emotional intimacy.
Panel 3:
Dr. Muskiday: You don’t understand! The micronanos are evolving into MACRONANOES!
Panel 4:
Dr. Muskiday: They’ll control everybody in the office. We have to get everyone out of here before…
Panel 5:
Dr. Muskiday (continues): ...it’s too late.
There is an emoji cloud enveloping Cassie’s entire head.
Alt Text
Five-panel “Evil Inc” comic set inside the Evil Inc office.
Panel 1: Dr. Muskiday bursts into Cassie Cruz’s office in a panic. His insect-like eyes are wide, his arms thrown dramatically into the air as he shouts, “Cassie! You need to send everybody home — NOW!” Cassie sits calmly behind her desk, turned toward him in surprise. Her office contains a laptop, paperwork, and pink file boxes.
Panel 2: An inset panel shows Cassie responding nervously from her office chair: “I can’t do that! The quarterly wellness surveys are due by five o’clock, and if we miss compliance, corporate will send that insufferable motivational speaker again…” The rest of the panel cuts to a seminar room where a stylish supervillain motivational speaker named Susan addresses a bored-looking audience of villains seated in folding chairs. Susan is an older woman with swept-back silver hair, glasses, and a dramatic purple outfit with a high collar. She gestures confidently while declaring, “People said I’d never weaponize my childhood trauma. Look at me now.” Behind her, a whiteboard displays ridiculous motivational slogans, including: “Failure isn’t falling into a volcano. Failure is falling into the same volcano twice,” “A hero is just a villain with better P.R.,” and “Susan Says… Your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength… unless your weakness is silver, garlic, or emotional intimacy.”
Panel 3: Back in Cassie’s office, Dr. Muskiday leans forward urgently, shouting, “You don’t understand! The micronanos are evolving into MACRONANOES!” The word “MACRONANOES!” appears in huge bold lettering dominating the panel. Cassie remains seated behind her desk, still not fully grasping the severity of the situation.
Panel 4: Dr. Muskiday runs frantically across the office floor with his arms spread wide. He warns, “They’ll take control of everybody in the office! We have to get everyone outta here before…” His lab coat and green tie trail behind him dramatically as he rushes toward the reader.
Panel 5: Dr. Muskiday stops in horror and quietly finishes, “…it’s too late.” Across the desk, Cassie’s entire head has been engulfed by a giant pink, fluffy-looking emoji cloud with angry eyes and a furious expression. The cloud hovers where her head should be, implying the evolving nanotech has already taken over her emotions.
As usual, the Guigar family is hosting its annual Halloween bash for the boys and their/our friends. I’ve been working on priming the
Evil Inc Halloween Hits Pandora channel by thumbs-upping and thumbs-downing a bunch of Halloween songs. Here is my Top-13 —
thirteen! — list of the best.
10. “Dinner With Drac,” John “The Cool Ghoul” Zacherle
Philly-born
John Zacherle was a TV horror-show host, and if you remember from my
Greystone Inn days,
I have a soft spot in my heart for those guys. This rock novelty ditty was recorded near the height of his popularity.
9. “Purple People Eater,” Sheb Wooley
Few people know of the great Sheb Wooley. He was the “Weird” Al Yankovich for classic country music back in the 70s. And, like most of the breakout Country stars of that era, he had a crossover hit — “Purple People Eater.” I first got this song as part of an album called “Dumb Ditties” that our family got on (get this) 8-track tape! I never did quite figure out whether this was a People-Eater that was purple or if this was a creature that sustained itself on devouring purple people.
8. “Witch Doctor,” Dave Seville and the Chipmunks
Ooo Eee, Ooo Ah-Ah
Ting tang
Walla walla bing bang.
Ooo Eee, Ooo Ah-Ah
Ting tang
Walla walla bing bang.
The finest free verse of Ross Bagdasarian, the Fresno-born genius behind Alvin and the Chipmunks. This hit was Bagdasarian’s first experiment with altering the speed of the recording to achieve the trademark voices of his alter egos.
7. Theme from “The Munsters” and theme from “The Addams Family” (tie)
Both iconic musical intros to two fantastic, iconic TV sitcoms, I have to include these on my playlist even if most of the kids are familiar with the shows behind the tunes. Musically, the “Munsters” theme has serious earworm appeal, and I’ve yet to find a kind who didn’t want to snap along with the “Addams Family” tune.
6. “The Blob” by … Burt Bacharach?
Did you know Burt Bacharach wrote the theme song to the Steve McQueen sci-fi horror classic “The Blob”? Me neither. Recording as “The Five Blobs,” the Bacharach-led group of studio musicians performed this swanky cha-cha.
While you’re in a Blobby mood, read this classic Phable, intro-ed below…
5. “Grim Grinning Ghosts”
Composed by
Buddy Baker, with lyrics written by
X Atencio, this is the song that ushers you through Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride. During our trip to Disneyworld last this summer my eight-year-old and I rode that ride about a dozen times. I know the words by heart.
4. “Ghostbusters”, Ray Parker Jr.
Who ya gonna call? Well, if your name is Huey Lewis, the answer is “my lawyer.”
According to this law suit, Huey felt that the spooky smash hit stole from his own “I Want a New Drug.” They settled out of court. And amicably so. Lewis has stated that working through the process with “Ghostbusters” producers laid the groundwork to his working on “Back To The Future” — another 80s movie hit.
3. “Thriller” Michael Jackson
The Gloved One’s “Thriller” album made music history. The video for the song was the first music video to be selected by the Library of Congress for the National film Registry. Danceable (if not singable), this is the perfect song to crank up to drown out the din of sugared-up goblins.
2. “This is Halloween,” Danny Elfman
Let’s face it, any of the music from
The Nightmare Before Christmas is going to be the perfect compliment to your Halloween party. But this one is the most upbeat and Halloween-y. And if you thumbs-up this one on your own Pandora channel, you’ll get the rest offered in your mix as well.
1. The Monster Mash, Bobby “Boris” Picket
Was there ever any question? There’s no doubt in my mind that this is the all-time best Halloween hit. Everybody knows the words and most of us can do a decent Boris Karloff impersonation to sing along. It’s a graveyard smash.
