Chapter 17, Page 22b: Artificial Love

The macronanoes feed on genuine emotion — which makes HoloClone Miss Match a particularly dangerous target.

Dr. Muskiday programmed her devotion himself. She may express love with overwhelming intensity, but there is no emotional uncertainty underneath it for the macronanoes to consume. His artificial love algorithm has created the perfect trap.

Unfortunately, that realization leaves Muskiday with something much harder to digest.


Evil Inc Erotica: The Doctor Is In

Last week’s Evil Inc Erotica release took us inside a fertility clinic where the bedside manner was professional, the treatment was unconventional, and the doctor had considerably more hands-on experience than anyone expected.

The new illustration introduced Dr. Deepwell, his nervous patient Natalie, and her increasingly concerned boyfriend, Todd. Then, the accompanying prose story explored the entire examination in all its medically dubious, tentacle-intensive detail.

It’s a monster-romance scenario with a clinical setting, a worried boyfriend, and a doctor who is extremely confident in his treatment plan.

Look for both the illustration and the complete prose story on Patreon.

Read it now!


Transcript

Panel 1:

The macronanoes swarm around Holoclone Miss Match

HoloClone Miss Match: Nooooo!

Panel 2:

The macronanoes hover around HoloClone Miss Match

Macronano 1: Wait!

Macronano 2: What’s happening?!

Macronano 3: There’s nothing here!

Panel 3:

HoloClone Miss Match: (smiling) Exactly.

Panel 4:

HoloClone Miss Match inhales all of the macronanos. 

SFX: VWOORRSH!

Macronano 1: Cruel world! Cruel world!

Macronano 2: It’s a traaaaaaaaaaap

Panel 5: 

HoloClone Miss Match: <burp> That’s one hell of a romance algorithm you wrote.

Panel 6:

Dr. Muskiday: (sadly) Yeah. Sometimes I’m too thorough for my own good.

Halloween Songs for your Kids’ Party

As usual, the Guigar family is hosting its annual Halloween bash for the boys and their/our friends.  I’ve been working on priming the Evil Inc Halloween Hits Pandora channel by thumbs-upping and thumbs-downing a bunch of Halloween songs. Here is my Top-13 —thirteen! — list of the best.

10. “Dinner With Drac,” John “The Cool Ghoul” Zacherle

Philly-born John Zacherle was a TV horror-show host, and if you remember from my Greystone Inn days, I have a soft spot in my heart for those guys. This rock novelty ditty was recorded near the height of his popularity. PNP20020314

9. “Purple People Eater,” Sheb Wooley

Few people know of the great Sheb Wooley. He was the “Weird” Al Yankovich for classic country music back in the 70s. And, like most of the breakout Country stars of that era, he had a crossover hit — “Purple People Eater.” I first got this song as part of an album called “Dumb Ditties” that our family got on (get this) 8-track tape! I never did quite figure out whether this was a People-Eater that was purple or if this was a creature that sustained itself on devouring purple people.

8. “Witch Doctor,” Dave Seville and the Chipmunks

Ooo Eee, Ooo Ah-Ah

Ting tang

Walla walla bing bang.

Ooo Eee, Ooo Ah-Ah

Ting tang

Walla walla bing bang.

The finest free verse of Ross Bagdasarian, the Fresno-born genius behind Alvin and the Chipmunks. This hit was Bagdasarian’s first experiment with altering the speed of the recording to achieve the trademark voices of his alter egos.

7. Theme from “The Munsters” and theme from “The Addams Family” (tie)

Both iconic musical intros to two fantastic, iconic TV sitcoms, I have to include these on my playlist even if most of the kids are familiar with the shows behind the tunes. Musically, the “Munsters” theme has serious earworm appeal, and I’ve yet to find a kind who didn’t want to snap along with the “Addams Family” tune.

6. “The Blob” by … Burt Bacharach?

Did you know Burt Bacharach wrote the theme song to the Steve McQueen sci-fi horror classic “The Blob”? Me neither. Recording as “The Five Blobs,” the Bacharach-led group of studio musicians performed this swanky cha-cha. While you’re in a Blobby mood, read this classic Phable, intro-ed below… Phables_blob

5. “Grim Grinning Ghosts”

Composed by Buddy Baker, with lyrics written by X Atencio, this is the song that ushers you through Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride. During our trip to Disneyworld last this summer my eight-year-old and I rode that ride about a dozen times. I know the words by heart.

4. “Ghostbusters”, Ray Parker Jr.

Who ya gonna call? Well, if your name is Huey Lewis, the answer is “my lawyer.” According to this law suit, Huey felt that the spooky smash hit stole from his own “I Want a New Drug.” They settled out of court. And amicably so. Lewis has stated that working through the process with “Ghostbusters” producers laid the groundwork to his working on “Back To The Future” — another 80s movie hit.

3. “Thriller” Michael Jackson

The Gloved One’s “Thriller” album made music history. The video for the song was the first music video to be selected by the Library of Congress for the National film Registry. Danceable (if not singable), this is the perfect song to crank up to drown out the din of sugared-up goblins.

2. “This is Halloween,” Danny Elfman

Let’s face it, any of the music from The Nightmare Before Christmas is going to be the perfect compliment to your Halloween party. But this one is the most upbeat and Halloween-y. And if you thumbs-up this one on your own Pandora channel, you’ll get the rest offered in your mix as well.

1. The Monster Mash, Bobby “Boris” Picket

Was there ever any question? There’s no doubt in my mind that this is the all-time best Halloween hit. Everybody knows the words and most of us can do a decent Boris Karloff impersonation to sing along. It’s a graveyard smash.