Chapter 17, Page 18b: Motivational Speaker Nightmare

Today’s Evil Inc is a true motivational speaker nightmare! Meanwhile, Dr. Muskiday discovers that his evolving emotion-cloud technology is spiraling out of control!

’Ringo Awards — Last Chance

The nomination round for the Ringo Awards closes on Thursday! If you’ve been enjoying Evil Inc, Evil Inc After Dark, or any of my recent work, I’d be honored if you considered tossing a nomination my way. https://go.evil-inc.net/ringo

Bonus Rewards

One of the easiest things to overlook on Patreon is the archive of posts tagged Bonus Rewards — and there’s a lot of good stuff buried in there.

These posts include wallpapers, eComics, downloadable extras, and assorted goodies collected over the years. Better yet, they never expire, so you can dip into the archive anytime and discover a few hidden gems waiting for you.

If you haven’t explored those tags lately, it’s worth a deep dive — https://go.evil-inc.net/patreon

ICYMI

This week's bonus cartoon featured the Fantastic Four.

Well... most of 'em... 

 


Transcript

Panel 1:

Dr. Muskiday, bursting into Cassie Cruz’s office:Cassie! You need to send everybody home — NOW!

Panel 2:

(Inset panel) Cassie Cruz: I can’t do that! The quarterly wellness surveys are due by five o’clock, and if we miss compliance, corporate will send that insufferable motivational speaker again.

Susan, a supervillain motivational speaker, speaks to the assembled villains of Evil Inc: People said I’d never weaponize my childhood trauma. Look at me now.

The whiteboard has a number of phrases written in it:

Failure isn’t falling into a volcano. Failure is falling into the same volcano twice.

A hero is just a villain with better P.R.

Susan Says… Your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength… unless your weakness is silver, garlic, or emotional intimacy.

Panel 3:

Dr. Muskiday: You don’t understand! The micronanos are evolving into MACRONANOES!

Panel 4:

Dr. Muskiday: They’ll control everybody in the office. We have to get everyone out of here before…

Panel 5:

Dr. Muskiday (continues): ...it’s too late.

There is an emoji cloud enveloping Cassie’s entire head.

Alt Text

Five-panel “Evil Inc” comic set inside the Evil Inc office.

Panel 1: Dr. Muskiday bursts into Cassie Cruz’s office in a panic. His insect-like eyes are wide, his arms thrown dramatically into the air as he shouts, “Cassie! You need to send everybody home — NOW!” Cassie sits calmly behind her desk, turned toward him in surprise. Her office contains a laptop, paperwork, and pink file boxes.

Panel 2: An inset panel shows Cassie responding nervously from her office chair: “I can’t do that! The quarterly wellness surveys are due by five o’clock, and if we miss compliance, corporate will send that insufferable motivational speaker again…” The rest of the panel cuts to a seminar room where a stylish supervillain motivational speaker named Susan addresses a bored-looking audience of villains seated in folding chairs. Susan is an older woman with swept-back silver hair, glasses, and a dramatic purple outfit with a high collar. She gestures confidently while declaring, “People said I’d never weaponize my childhood trauma. Look at me now.” Behind her, a whiteboard displays ridiculous motivational slogans, including: “Failure isn’t falling into a volcano. Failure is falling into the same volcano twice,” “A hero is just a villain with better P.R.,” and “Susan Says… Your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength… unless your weakness is silver, garlic, or emotional intimacy.”

Panel 3: Back in Cassie’s office, Dr. Muskiday leans forward urgently, shouting, “You don’t understand! The micronanos are evolving into MACRONANOES!” The word “MACRONANOES!” appears in huge bold lettering dominating the panel. Cassie remains seated behind her desk, still not fully grasping the severity of the situation.

Panel 4: Dr. Muskiday runs frantically across the office floor with his arms spread wide. He warns, “They’ll take control of everybody in the office! We have to get everyone outta here before…” His lab coat and green tie trail behind him dramatically as he rushes toward the reader.

Panel 5: Dr. Muskiday stops in horror and quietly finishes, “…it’s too late.” Across the desk, Cassie’s entire head has been engulfed by a giant pink, fluffy-looking emoji cloud with angry eyes and a furious expression. The cloud hovers where her head should be, implying the evolving nanotech has already taken over her emotions.

On sixteen years of Wedded Bliss

Reposted from my Facebook page over the weekend:

On sixteen years of Wedded Bliss…

So, last night, my wonderful in-laws took the boys on a sleepover, and Caroline and I celebrated our anniversary with a date night. She found an incredible Mexican restaurant in South Philly, Plaza Garibaldi, and we toasted 16 fantastic years over margaritas. When I think about what I’m most thankful for, I’d have to say it’s Doctor Who on the BBC. In 1998, I was a guy with an upwardly mobile newspaper job. I left for work wearing a tie and suspenders every day. And, sure, I worked a night shift then, but I was going to be the Assistant Graphic Editor. And, then, the Graphics Editor. And after that… who knows? But it looked pretty damn sweet. Fast forward to Now. I go to work in jeans and a T-shirt. I call myself a cartoonist, for chrissakes. I self-publish books, sweat over stuff like shipping and Internet stats. I still work the night shift. And the day shift. And any other shift I can fit in there. When I’ve written something I think is funny, I’m insufferable. And when that doesn’t happen, I’m worse. And since the kids came along, we live in a frat house. My wife lives in fervent hope of getting through one meal — just one — without poop jokes. Or farts. Or fart jokes. Or a quote from Teen Titans Go. Or a round of 20 Questions — Which Marvel Villain Am I. Life is a whirlwind of school, homework, swimming lessons, choir, judo, did-we-pay-that-bill, did you remember to schedule this, what do you want from the grocery store, and when are we gonna find time for that. It’s questions like “do you think that’s pink eye?” and “does this look like mouse poop?” And that’s why I’m thankful for Doctor Who on the BBC. Because, if he were real… and if he showed up before she walked down the aisle 16 years ago… there’s nobody in their right mind who could fault her from stepping into the Tardis and getting the hell out. She’d still have time to build a life that would look more like the one she had in mind. But the good Doctor is on a sound stage in Wales. And we’re here in Philadelphia. Together. Happy. Healthy. Parents of a couple of beautiful kids. And as nuts about each other as we were 16 years ago. Maybe more.