Chapter 17 | Page 3b: Hot Stuff

Posted on December 19, 2025 by Brad Guigar

Today’s page takes us back to Ralph’s Diner, where Captain Heroic proves—once again—that nothing rattles him… not even a surprise soup bath.

Hailey is mortified, Captain Heroic is dripping, and somewhere across the diner, Yazmine Velour is livestreaming the whole thing as heart emojis rain from the internet. It’s a small moment, but one that says a lot about who Cap really is—and why people can’t help falling for him.

Transcript

Panel 1
Hailey (distraught that she has dumped hot soup on Captain Heroic): Omigod Omigod Omigod…

Captain Heroic (turning to another person eating at the diner): Excuse me. Would you hand me a napkin, please? (The person hands him a napkin)

Panel 2

Hailey: I’m so sorry Captain Heroic, sir. I didn’t mean to — {sob}

Panel 3

Captain Heroic (handing her the napkin): Here. Please don’t cry.

Panel 4

Captain Heroic (continues): Most of my first impressions involve disintegration rays. And actual impressions. In concrete.

Panel 5

Captain Heroic: This was far more pleasant — not counting the bay leaf in my shirt.Yazmine Velour (as she livestreams the interaction from the other side of the diner, a torrent of heart emojis flow from her phone as the audience reacts): Omigod Omigod Omigod

After Dark

This week's commissioned MicroFic delivers exactly what you’d want from a pairing between Dynasty and Father Christmas.

  • Yes, he lives up to his name.

  • Yes, Dynasty knew exactly what she was doing.

  • No, the North Pole will never be the same.

I also posted the Goblin Girl MicroFic from the Monster Girl poll — and the response was so good, I might need to make these poll-powered MicroFics a recurring thing!

Five to Pull / One to Pass: May 20

Posted on May 20, 2009 by Brad Guigar

As you hit the comic shop today, keep an eye on these ne’er-do-wells making big moves this week (complete with press-releasy goodness)…

—Amazing Spider-man #594
(Marvel)
Hunted as never before by a newly empowered J. Jonah Jameson–and you won’t believe JJJ’s new base of operations! – Spider-Man can’t find peace privately or in public! It’s time Spidey faced up to the truth behind his 24/7 mission – before it kills him!

—The Complete Dracula
(Dynamite)
The complete story of the Lord of the Undead–Dracula! For the first time in 112 years the tale that Bram Stoker intended to tell is told (including ‘Dracula’s Guest’!). If you thought you knew how it began or how it ends, you were wrong!

—Dark Reign Fantastic Four #3
(Marvel)
Forced to fight their way through time, Sue, Ben and Johnny have to defend the Holy Land in the Crusades, Conquer the Wild West and beat back the Nazis while Franklin and Val are busy back in the Baxter Building preparing for the arrival of Norman Osborn. All that, and the return of the Illuminati!

—Hulk #12
(Marvel)
After the senses shattering unexpected cliffhanger from last issue, The Defenders/Offenders War comes to an explosive end. The Hulk, Namor, Doc Strange and Silver Surfer have one last chance to save the women they love, but the Red Hulk, Tiger Shark, Mordo and Terrax aren’t about to let that happen.

—Thunderbolts #132
(Marvel)
A new killer joins the Norman Osborn’s terrifying team! Our crazed covert ops squad sets out to recruit one of the world’s deadliest fighters: the ruthless Wolverine foe known only as Mr. X! But first they must defeat him in single combat, and that’s easier said than done – especially when one of the Thunderbolts is hiding a deadly secret that could spell death for them all!

And one to pass…

—Final Crisis Aftermath #1 of 6
(DC)
Honestly… this is still going on?! Ugh… and to make matters worse, it’s about that bizarre Super Young Squad group that kicked this whole mess off. Pass.